Grievers need support during holiday

Remember the year Aunt Nell’s husband, Jack, died? The family was her emotional support and promised to keep her occupied during the holiday season.

Although at the time no one called it the holiday blues, the family knew she would be lonely the first Christmas without him. In fact, on reflecting on that Christmas, you probably realize that some people really helped. Others who had the right intention did not know how to help. They thought Aunt Nell wouldn’t want to talk about him, that perhaps she had rather be quiet and alone.

Perhaps your family has suffered the loss of a family member this year. Instead of gaily responding to the holiday chimes and carols, you would like to skip the festivities, forego the shopping crowds and live with memories of the past.

Families and friends not only can help, they can prevent the post-holiday blues that hits many people during the let-down time. Mental health professionals note that many people postpone problems during the holiday season. Then when January arrives they know they have to face their problems and start to attempt to solve them.

Some suggested activities for helping during the season are:

Don’t let a loved one face the days alone. Have family or friends close by to share the time. If this is not possible, have a church or agency provide visitors.

See if someone like Aunt Nell would like to reminisce and let her talk about her happier holidays in the past.

Don’t make the mistake of telling her you know how she feels. You really don’t know unless you have duplicated her experiences.

Do invite her to go with you to visit the nursing home or a children’s orphanage, shifting her focus outward to others for a time.

Ask her help in baking cookies or preparing the holiday meals. She may want to provide some of the decorations.

Elicit responses from her about ways of observing the holiday season. She may wish to establish a new tradition in memory of him.

Remember that laughter is still the best medicine. Assure Aunt Nell that having a good time doesn’t mean she has to forget the past. It does mean she is showing her love and helping the rest of the family by bringing them closer together.

Help her set a goal for the beginning of the New Year. She may want to start an exercise program. She may have a talent she hasn’t had time to develop. She might like to sign up for a course in something she wants to study. She may want to volunteer at a local school, work with daycare workers keeping children after school.

Get her to help deliver Meals on Wheels or join a group preparing the meals. Think about the Salvation Army, Caritas, the local library, hospitals, church work. The blues can be chased away when one becomes involved in helping others.