Happiness is affected by our perceptions

A reader from Hilton Head Island, S.C., writes:

“One subject that would help our part of the country would be adjustment to your surroundings.

“I, for one, have never adjusted to island life. I have lived on this island for 16 years. They have been so miserable for me that my health is failing.

“Keeping busy is not the answer. There are a lot of people here that would appreciate your approach to the subject.”

Dear Unhappy on Hilton Head: First, for the price of a roundtrip ticket, I will come to your lovely island and provide group therapy at no charge.

Seriously, however, your situation illustrates the old adage that happiness in life depends not on what you have, where you live or even who you are, but instead on how you perceive and interpret these situations.

Happiness truly is a state of mind.

You speak of difficulty in adjusting to island life. Ask yourself what it is about this lifestyle you dislike. Do you find island life conforming? Or does your lack of adjustment stem from a lifestyle that is leaving you feeling bored and unfulfilled?

I wonder if you have not found the stimulation that would give you a zest for living. Since I do not know about your family, friends, occupation or interests, I cannot suggest alternatives at this point. I also do not know the reasons you feel you must remain on the island.

You mentioned health problems. This, coupled with the unhappiness and pessimism in your letter, prompts me to suggest that you consider a professional evaluation of your general health with particular attention to possible clinical depression. Depression, in and of itself, can produce feelings of chronic fatigue, lack of enthusiasm or lack of feeling of enjoyment, chronic over concern with health problems, feeling of self-pity and worthlessness.

Assuming that depression is absent and there is nothing on or about the island itself to cause you displeasure, I would encourage you to consider the possibility that self-absorption may be a large part of your problem. Directing our energies outward toward activities and especially other people can lessen the likelihood of feeling you are in a rut in life.

Also, surrounding yourself with those who share your feelings of unhappiness can be quite contagious. I often find that individuals describing thoughts and feeling like yours lack close, meaningful relationships and have become isolated.

Try to find a new interest and establish a new daily routine. List things about the island you do enjoy. Include places, friends, point of interest, etc. Find others who will explore and expand on these things. And certainly consider the reason you came to the island.

A mental health professional and/or support group might give you a chance to explore ways of enhancing meaning and pleasure in life. Please don’t give up trying to find help. Happiness can be found.

Copyright c 1995 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.