Help For Shy Children
Dear Dr. LeCrone:
Please write a column on the painful experience of being shy. I was shy as a child and even now, as an adult, I have difficulty in many types of social interactions. Fortunately for me, my parents were very patient and understanding, which helped a lot.
Now I have a six-year-old daughter who is also shy. I feel her pain and need assistance in reviewing some basic self-help information that helps shy children function better in social situations.
-A reader in Montana
Dear reader:
Avoid labeling your child as shy, especially in front of her. If she starts thinking of herself as shy, she may start acting out this role thus leading to a self fulfilling prophesy.
Let her know the difficulty of “warming up” in a new situation is not a negative behavior. Express empathy by letting your daughter know that you, too, have problems in becoming comfortable in new situations.
Help her practice becoming more outgoing in situations where she doesn’t stand out but is initially more on the fringes. For example, take her to an entertainment event where she can participate with a large group of children that gradually allows her to integrate into the group.
Teachers should be made aware of your daughter’s shyness, as they can also help her overcome shyness when interaction between children is possible.
Help her learn to identify and verbally express her emotions. Shyness, fearfulness and anxiety can often be diminished greatly by talking with someone who can show empathy and help the child develop cognitive strategies to overcome their fears. Let your child role play social skills with you, her siblings, cousins, or close friends.
Reward your child for outgoing behavior. Praise even slight improvements in. Set small goals that are easy for her to achieve and reward successes immediately with expressions of approval, hugs, and smiles.
Teach your child to relax by deep breathing and then extend this relaxed state to social situations. Encourage her to visualize herself as relaxed, calm and confident in interactions with children and groups of people.
