In-Law Advice
Marital counselors often find that problems involving in-laws become a focus during counseling sessions.
Conflicts in this area can begin as early as the wedding itself. An old saying goes something like this: There are at least six people in a marriage – the bride, the groom and each one’s parents.
After the marriage, a new relationship begins. At this point the couple must put each other first – all relationships with relatives have to fall in place thereafter.
Learning to break away from the old family and form a new one is a process as old as the institution of marriage itself. Many young couples realize that problems develop around this process of change. Such problems include:
Where will the couple spend their holidays and vacations?
What patterns of advice giving will develop between the young couple and their in-laws?
How will customs and traditions be viewed and passed on from the older to the younger generation?
Personally, I was blessed with wonderful, understanding and sensitive in-laws. The process of establishing this relationship began before the marriage. My father-in-law told me he would refrain from ever giving advice and that he would express an opinion only if he were asked. He went on to say that if he did give an opinion, I was free to take it or leave it, and no hard feelings would result if I disagreed with him.
The following suggestions might be helpful to the parents of newlyweds:
Respect your child and his or her spouse believing that you have guided him or her well enough that they are now capable of making adult decisions.
Offer advice only when asked with a clear understanding that the ultimate decision belongs to the newlyweds.
Don’t expect your children and /or grandchildren to be your major source of satisfaction in life. Give them plenty of space and let them develop their new lifestyle as they see fit.
Newlyweds need their in-laws to support but not control. Furthermore, remember that getting along with in-laws means getting along with members of the extended family. Brothers, sisters, grandparents, and other relatives can be a great source of enjoyment at family gatherings. Remembering birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions with a phone call or card shows love and concern and should be extended to new family members after the marriage.
Good in-law relations can be one of the cornerstones of a healthy, happy marriage.
