Kids may rebel against parent’s success
To the outside observer, Hal came from the perfect family. His parents loved him as well as provided support and material things that gave him the things necessary to propel him to the top of his class, academically and socially. The problem was that Hal began to use drugs and alcohol, withdrew from the environment around him, and eventually attempted suicide.
Sally's parents adored her and created an environment which seemed to be lacking in nothing, as far as her mental health was concerned. But Sally became sexually promiscuous, began skipping classes in school, and exhibited episodes of rage for no apparent reason.
Is there a paradox here? One thing these two children have in common is parents who are very successful. But what could this have to do with the deterioration of the psychological well-being of these two children? The answer is a complex puzzle, which on the surface defies logic and reason, but reveals through careful examination a set of variables which created anxiety, anger and ambivalence between the child and the parents.
Many successful parents have no idea how their accomplishments and achievements negatively impact the psychological outlook of their children. Some reasons for this complex phenomenon are:
• Children feel they live in the shadow of their parents' success and develop a deep seated fear and anxiety about living up to the standards that their parents have set.
• Many successful parents are so busy that they don't really spend much time with their children and consequently can't understand why they don't have the closeness and bonding that produces security in their offspring. In this instance, a child or adolescent may signal a cry for help and attention by acting out.
• Many children, especially adolescents, rebel against their parents' successes - or even their parents in general - and act out with drugs, alcohol or sex in order to establish their own "mark on the world."
• Children with successful parents often feel that they live in a "bubble" in which they have to be perfect because they have perfect parents. They begin to resent this "special place in the world" and often would gladly trade places with their peers and become just ordinary kids.
• Children often develop problematic beliefs, feelings, and attitudes about being "successful" in life and gravitate toward irrational, erroneous and illogical assumptions about what it takes to be successful or what is "success" due to their own lack of maturity in defining happiness and success in life.
The solution to this problem may be two-fold. First, it lies not in parents forsaking success, but, instead, lies in their taking a much closer look at the effects of their lifestyle. Paradoxically, successful parents often need to work much harder at being effective parents. If often becomes a complex matter of evaluating their own "success" and seeing if their priorities need adjustment and modification. Secondly, children of successful people often benefit from an outside professional resource to assist them in dealing with their feelings and achieving health outlooks and patterns of behavior.
Copyright c 1997 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.
