Life is more about living than aging
Recently, while talking with a woman in her mid-90s my attention focused on her statement:
The challenge is not to see how long I can live, but to see how much I can enjoy life while I live.
She went on to talk about her life which included the fact that she had outlived many family members including children and close friends. As she talked about this aspect of her life she displayed a note of sadness. But this moment shifted more to disappointment than despair as she discussed her acceptance of these losses. She believed that death was a natural part of life, and is also a part of the fullness of life.
Research has shown that one of the psychological characteristics common to those individuals living 85 years and beyond is their acceptance of loss and the manner to which they have adjusted to and coped with the death of those who have been close to them in their lives. Instead of becoming psychologically immobilized and allowing the death of family or friends to result in prolonged intractable grief, they move on with their own lives in a reasonably short period of time. Several factors probably account for this:
• These individuals are frequently very involved and committed to something in life which they find meaningful and challenging. Although death is a blow to them, as it is to anyone, their desire and need to be involved with gratifying activities allows them to move forward with their lives in a healthy fashion.
• These hearty individuals tend to be more flexible and adapt to change in a healthier manner than their counterparts who see change as a threat, a setback or obstacle. This life long ability to "roll with the punches" and avoid seeing issues as either black or white provides the basis for their perception of death as part of the cycle of life.
• These octogenarians allow themselves to grieve and mourn in whatever way they need to in order to move toward acceptance and resolution in the grief and loss process. They know there is nothing wrong with crying for someone who has died, or feeling anger about the "unfairness" of death at times. But they don't feel compelled to let others dictate to them how they should go through this process, how they should feel or act. Instead they seem to be able to assume the pattern that best helps them move toward a healthy new beginning in their lives. Indeed the process of acceptance renews them.
• Many of them deal with loss of death from a spiritual perspective on life and death which allows them to let go and move on with their life. They view death as the opportunity to leave this life and enter a new one with a promise of eternal life for those who have faithfully believed.
• As research in aging progresses, the factors that separate those who enjoy life while they are living from those who don't will emerge more clearly.
Life after fifty begins for the first wave of baby boomers in 1996 giving rise to a whole new group interested in living and aging. If you are one of them, you might wish to look at yourself today, then visualize yourself as being 60, 70, or more. Begin to think how you will face aging.
