Attitude key to facing our aging, death
Recently, while talking with a woman in her mid-90s, my attention focused on this sage statement she made:
“The challenge is not to see how long I can live, but to see how much I can enjoy life while I live.”
She went on to talk about her life, which encompassed outliving many family members including children and close friends. As she talked about this aspect of life, she displayed a note of sadness. But this moment shifted more to disappointment than despair as she discussed her acceptance of these losses.
She believed that death was a natural part of life and also a part of the fullness of life.
Instead of becoming psychologically immobilized and allowing the death of family and friends to result in prolonged intractable grief, she moved on with her own life in a reasonably short period of time. Several factors probably accounted for this:
• She was very involved and committed to things in life that she found meaningful and challenging. Although death was a blow to her, as it is anyone, her desire and need to be involved with gratifying activities allowed her to move forward with her life in a healthy fashion.
• She tended to be more flexible and adapt to change in a healthier manner than her peers, who saw change as a threat, a setback or obstacle. This life-long ability to “roll with the punches” and avoid seeing issues as either black or white provided her with the basis for her perception of death as part of the cycle of life.
• She allowed herself to grieve and mourn in whatever way she needed to in order to move toward acceptance and resolution in the grief and loss process. She didn’t feel compelled to let others dictate to her how she should go through this process or how she should feel or act.
• She also dealt with death from a spiritual perspective viewing death as the opportunity to leave this life and enter a new one with the promise of eternal life.
As research in aging progresses, the factors that separate those who enjoy life while they are living from those who don’t will emerge more clearly.
If you are a baby boomer, you might want to look at yourself today, and then visualize yourself as being 60, 70 or more. How will you face the challenges of aging?
