Money troubles among couples common
Do you and your spouse feel the same way about financial security? Or do you disagree and argue about spending and saving?
If you disagree, you are not unusual. Disputes about money have always occurred within families, but the majority of the problems in the past have been about the misuse of family income or tight control of it by one partner.
Many of today’s problems stem from changes in our lifestyles. Stereotypes of the wife who shopped, juggled and even hid part of the household money handed her are re-runs of old movies. Many couples today live on two salaries, and each partner desires a strong voice in deciding how the money is to be used.
Consider the homemaker who returns to the marketplace and begins spending more than usual on herself as she enjoys the extra income and asserts her independence. Her spouse is often surprised and may question her competence and ability to make wise choices with her salary.
Or recognize the fact that women still earn less than their male counterparts (some research shows 20 to 25 percent less). Know, though, that the gap is getting smaller and women are becoming more knowledgeable about money. As women earn more, they are more likely to feel they deserve a greater voice in investing and purchasing. This is not always the case, however, as some women earn larger incomes than their spouses.
And realize than many couples are products of parents who taught them that men should control the purse. Other partners may come from backgrounds with views on money that are miles apart. One partner may feel that money means prestige and status, the other may feel it is for security. Sometimes disagreements about money stem from other psychological needs such as self-image and power.
With all these changing views and attitudes, many couples are having difficulty sorting out their financial differences. One spouse may be a spender, the other a saver. One may have a fear of being destitute in old age, the other may feel that living for the moment is the ideal. One may enjoy budgeting, the other may cringe at the idea.
Studies show there are differences in the way man and women handle money. Men are more likely to takes risks in investing money. Women tend to be more conservative and avoid risky investments.
Even within the household, use of money among couples varies. Many young couples today have separate bank accounts. Each partner contributes equally to pay for food, utilities, rent or mortgage, etc. But this, too, can cause friction if salaries are unequal. The partner who earns considerably more may feel he or she deserves more power in deciding how the money should be spent. As a rule, couples who proportion amounts contributed will have fewer conflicts.
Next week I will continue discussing money conflicts and suggest ways to ease the tension and uncover the problems of differing philosophies and attitudes.
