Tips on how couples can deal with money

Differences in philosophies and attitudes toward money can result in tensions and disagreements for couples.

Some attitudes about money are handed down from parental teaching. When a couple has a financial crisis, each spouse may revert to the way his or her parents handled such matters. To be a successful partnership, partners should develop a combined philosophy about money.

For some people, money represents security. For others, money means control or power. People reared in affluence may miss the prestige of their former lifestyle; those reared in a home of lesser circumstances may be unsure of their feelings about the future.

Age also makes a difference. Some authorities believe that as men grow older they tend to spend more on pleasure, feeling they have earned the right and that time is fleeting. Women become more objective as they age and tend to view money as the way to control their life. They fear an empty nest egg.

Here are some suggestions for developing a plan, setting goals and determining mutual ambitions:

• Couples may need three bank accounts, his, hers and ours. Each partner should have the right to spend some money to meet his or her own needs, interests and hobbies. In the “ours” account, money should be deposited for rent or the mortgage, food, utilities, health care, etc. If one partner earns substantially more than the other, the amount should be a fair contribution from each.

• Saving money should be automatic. Most financial advisors remind women that charts show they will live longer than their spouse, hence their savings should reflect that. Couples should have shared savings, but each should take responsibility for an individual savings method.

• Set goals. If couples want to save for Junior’s college fund, they should begin as early as possible. If a dream vacation is in the future, they should budget for it. He may want a cabin on the lake; she may prefer travel or a cruise. A good way to arrive at financial goals is for each partner to write a list of dreams or hopes. When comparing these goals, it will be easy to combine similar ones.

Compromise on other goals can be reached if partners share feelings and reach an understanding about what is important for them.

• Talk about feelings and attitudes toward money. He may want to leave a sizeable estate to his heirs; she may think a good education and preparation for independence is sufficient provision for children.

• Share information. Both partners should know how much money the other one has, how much each owes on credit cards or loans. If the couple owns a home, each partner should know where the deed is kept, as well as titles to automobiles, insurance policies, etc. Each partner should be listed on the signature card for the safe deposit box.

The best way to agree about money is for the couple to work as a team, to make decisions and plans for their future together.