My Decision Making Problem

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I am an adult in my mid-30’s and realize that I need help. The short description of a long problem is that I have trouble making decisions - both small and big - and I believe that it comes from my lack of self-confidence. I always make good grades in school, graduated from high school and college, and people tell me that I am smart. I have a good marriage and children but my husband is frustrated with me because I often seem to “freeze-up” when faced with choices in my life. The result is that I avoid situations where choices are necessary, waste a lot of time making choices, or when its absolutely necessary, turn to someone else, especially my mother, to help me make my choices. Although my mother is a wonderful person and I know that she loves me very much, her strong personality and success in life as a leader, makes her my role model but also, because I lack confidence, my boss. I realize that this is a complicated problem, but could you talk about it in your column.

Dear Reader:

You are correct in stating that your dilemma is complex but this assessment confirms your intelligence and insight. Many, many individuals share the problem that you describe and, many, many individuals are able to learn strategies to improve their self-confidence.

The short answer to your short description of your problem is that you may want to get some professional assistance in order to better understand how you can make both short and long term changes. You are not only making an investment in your future but also your marriage and the future of mental health of your children as they observe you as one of their role models.

Learning to set healthy priorities, being assertive, dealing with patterns from the past that may be negatively effecting you now but a few of the many possible elements of your problem that needs to be dealt with.

Change is definitely possible but meaningful change doesn’t occur overnight.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2005