One partner’s change can alter relationship
When changes occur that affect only one partner in a relationship, the effects can be dramatic, or even devastating.
This is especially true if the change is rapid and the consequences of the change are not predictable or expected. For example: one of the individuals achieves sudden fame and notoriety. This person receives a lot attention; new demands are placed on this individual’s time to the point that the other partner feels neglected.
Also the partner with the changed status begins to struggle with complex thoughts and feelings affecting his or her self-concept.
This same phenomena can occur if one marital partner loses a lot of weight and begins to feel differently about himself or herself. Their new feelings about their body image began to spread to other areas of their life, such as the relationship.
A change in an educational or economic status also can affect the relationship, such as when the weaker member of the relationship becomes the breadwinner or when one partner works to put the other through school.
A change in circumstances can not only change one’s perspective, but often can change the perspective of the spouse.
Rather suddenly, what would seem to be good fortune, improvement and reason for rejoicing can be viewed as a threat to the relationship.
Envy, jealousy, fear, anger, misunderstanding and other negative emotions can creep into the relationship. Communication patterns begin to change; a distance between the partners develops; previously held expectations and beliefs are questioned.
What can be done to lessen the likelihood that change will negatively alter or destroy the relationship? First it is important to understand that most relationships, especially martial ones, don’t remain static. Just as characteristics of the individual change with time and age, so do variables in the relationship.
Physical stamina, career objectives, parenting needs and emotional maturity change in most individuals as the individual grows older. In a marriage, sexual activity usually diminishes over time; however a closeness and more effective communication pattern and commitment hopefully increase.
Anticipating and expecting changes makes an adjustment easier. One of the chief ingredients in assimilating change sin the relationship is to talk about what affects these changes will produce and how they will be dealt with.
For example: if the earning power of one spouse grows to exceed that of the mate, it may provide an opportunity for increased savings, earlier retirement for both, accelerated mortgage payments or other dividends.
Weight loss offers the hope of a healthier life, perhaps more years together in the relationship, improved self-esteem and an improved outlook on life.
One common pitfall of change, however, is that the individual who changes becomes so self-absorbed in the change he or she fails to appreciate anyone else’s point of view. This person may need help with this potential problem, but for may, time helps moderate their perspective.
Couples in a relationship should not fear change. Instead, they should work at understanding its implications and prepare to let it embrace the relationship. If they can agree that change is an opportunity for both of them to grown and to share new experiences, it usually works well.
