Parents need to set up family priorities

At times it is necessary or desirable for both parents in the family to work. The old idea that a woman’s place was only in the home has been modified. Many women work outside the home to enhance their self-esteem. They may find it desirable to be a full-time homemaker when the children are young, but enjoy the economic and psychological rewards of work outside the home when the children are older.

However, many family conflicts are the result of ineffective or inappropriate ordering of priorities by both the father and the mother. For either one, placing one’s job before one’s family will almost always result in some sort of problem within the family.

Some steps that can be taken to increase the likelihood of successful parenting are as follows:

• Set aside regular and frequent times for the whole family to sit down and spend time talking about how each person’s needs are being met, or unmet. Then use this information to modify each family member’s responsibility.

• Try, if possible, to have one parent at home when the children come in from school. Children are full of news about their day and need someone to listen. This time, immediately after school, gives a parent the chance to hear about successes or failures, and take care of the inevitable cuts and scratches that occur. By helping with, or supervising, a time for homework, the parent can teach good study skills and habits. Having a relaxed setting after school and in the evenings also is important for healthy family developmental. Many business’s have flextime as an option that can be considered.

• Establish definite responsibilities and share these responsibilities. When possible, each family member should contribute to the family chores.

• Set aside definite periods of time when the family can be together as a unit, such as at dinnertime, or on weekends, and learn to protect this time by resisting activities that interfere with this time. A picnic, some family recreational activities, and eating meals together can help promote family cohesiveness and security.

• Periodically examine the health of the family unit to see if pressures are building because both parents are working. Try to be objective. If signs of stress are occurring, consider seeking some professional help before things get too bad and disruptive.

Remember that setting priorities and frequently reviewing them can help keep things in perspective. Both parents working outside the home is not always a problem, but the psychological health of the family should be monitored closely to watch for signs of stress.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2000