Seasonal Stress Syndrome

Dear Dr. LeCrone:
My husband and I are newlyweds preparing to have Christmas in our home for both families. There will be several relatives in attendance from both sides of the family for several days, and since I am a perfectionist and obviously new at this sort of thing, I am apprehensive and stressed. Can you please help me reduce my fear and hopefully increase the likelihood that this holiday gathering will not be so stressful and hectic for me?

-Stressed out newlywed in Texas

Dear Stressed Out:

You may be experiencing a problem that I have written about before called seasonal stress syndrome. The holiday season is fertile ground for unrealistic expectations that often lead to disappointment and psychological distress. Individuals striving for a perfect holiday season often drive themselves to the point of exhaustion and may become extremely unhappy.

They push themselves to find the perfect present for each family member. They believe that family gatherings are a failure without total peace and harmony. They expect feelings of good will to everyone. They believe that their children must retain perfect memories of past holidays. When they can’t control all of these variables in a satisfactory fashion, feelings of frustration often mount and tension builds.

In order to have a healthy perspective during this time of year and reduce the risk of seasonal stress syndrome, perfectionists may want to re-examine their priorities and reframe their thinking.

Many of the hassles during this season are a result of excessive demands on the perfectionist’s time and money. Realistic limits and boundaries need to be set prior to the beginning of the holiday season so that these demands can be reduced.

Also, remember that relationships and feelings between family members may change as individuals age and shift their own priorities. Expecting everyone to be happy, congenial and enthusiastic about being together may be impossible at times. Accept the changes that occur and don’t try to carry tradition too far or create unrealistic expectations for other family members.

I hope this information will enable you to have a more relaxed holiday and help you enjoy the time with family members.