Seek help in handling midlife confusion
Last week I began a discussion of the so called mid-life crisis. The notion of the mid-life crisis and its incumbent turmoil is hardly new. The period of time in the individual’s life after they hit 40 is often jokingly portrayed as all down hill. Physical and psychological changes begin to occur, often resulting in some individuals perceiving the need to change relationships, jobs, and lifestyles. Unfortunately, these changes are often made in a very hasty and poorly thought out manner resulting in the individual’s isolation from family and friends. Hence, support systems that might provide some objectivity are lost, further compounding the problem.
Following are some suggestions for those entering or already into the so-called mid-life crisis:
• Don’t deny that physical and psychological changes do occur with aging. Learn about these changes and the things that can be done to make the transition through this part of life healthy. Doing so may reduce the stress of aging itself and reduce the risk of a mid-life catastrophe due to unhealthy choices and decisions. Panic, confusion and depression may emerge at this time of life due to underlying fear of deterioration and death. Trying to turn back the clock by shedding the present and masquerading in the past can be disastrous.
• Recognize that during the mid-life years, changes often occur which can produce psychological stress and feelings of imbalance. Illness and death of parents, children growing up and leaving home, job uncertainty due to company’s downsizing and often seeking a younger workforce are examples of things that add stress to an already stressful time in life. Seek professional help if necessary in dealing with these difficulties.
• Assess the strengths and weaknesses in your marriage and develop strategies to improve your relationship with your spouse. Problems that have existed for years may seem to be magnified during mid-life transition leading to consideration of alternatives outside of the marriage. Reawaken areas of the marriage that may have become dull and stale, attend a marriage enhancement seminar, seek marriage counseling if problems persist.
• Reduce the risk of poor decisions and choices during this time in life by setting boundaries and limitations where risk presents itself. For example, don’t let the lines between work and personal involvement become blurred in relationships with co-workers. If you find yourself becoming personally involved with someone outside the marriage, immediately take measures to change the relationship so that feelings and emotions don’t become even stronger. Be aware of the dangers of what some professionals refer to as “emotional affairs”. Sending flowers to someone with a romantic intent, talking intimately, and the most contemporary example cybersex are all examples of emotional affairs.
I will return to this complex subject in future columns.
