Self Esteem In Older Adults

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

My mother is 90 and has some medical problems although she has always practiced a healthy lifestyle. My father died 10 years ago after a long and happy marriage, and I am her only child.

I think that she is depressed, and her-self esteem is terrible. My fathers’ death created a huge vacuum for her; she has outlived her friends and now chooses not to make new ones. Her career gave her a sense of identity and purpose, but she has had to retire because of health issues. Finally, she perceives a loss of independence and control when her medical conditions led her to choose to sell her home and move to an assisted-living center.
I have a very good relationship with her and I would like to talk to her about her current outlook. She was a great wife, exemplary employee and she is still a fabulous mother. Could you please give me some direction?

-A reader in Florida

Dear Reader:
I would suggest that she be evaluated for depression. Her self-esteem, along with her desire and ability to develop more effective coping strategies, could be negatively impacted by clinical depression.

Explore your mother’s attitude about her self-esteem by reviewing her many positive contributions to others during her life. Many adults from prior generations were brought up to believe that feeling good about oneself was equated with arrogance or conceit. Consequently, later in life, these same adults do not view their past accomplishments as things to be proud of or accomplishments that made their lives meaningful in a positive way.

Having a very good marriage, raising a healthy family and being a valued employee for many years are all things to be very proud of, and give rise to many happy memories and great stories to share with others. Additionally, making healthy choices and decisions in earlier life needs to be recognized by her as more evidence of her accomplishments.

Many older adults’ self-esteem is lessened by media portrayal of successful aging as a youthful body bouncing down a beach at a luxurious resort. Happy older adults come in all sizes, from many different environments and with varying degrees of affluence. Make her aware of her assets and tell her each time you talk to her that you are proud of all that she has achieved.