Sexual problems between man and wife can be a significant impairment in the marital relationship.
Lack of open communication about their feeling in this matter is one of the most frequent reasons for the development of sexual incompatibility in a marriage.
In taking a history of these problems, counselors frequently find that the difficulties started early in marriage. Because of embarrassment, lack of knowledge and understanding of human sexuality, unrealistic expectations, or even guilt and fear, the problems weren’t discussed.
Many men won’t admit a lack of understanding of human sexuality, and won’t admit the need for help, because they fear this would show a weakness that would be intolerable to their ego. Many women, on the other hand, have been led to believe that sex in marriage serves only the function of procreation and is a duty to one’s husband. For them to consider alternative ways of looking at the role of sex in marriage would be going against all of their deep-rooted beliefs.
Although the incidence of pre-marital sex has risen drastically over the past several decades, the simple fact remains that simply having the experience before marriage, particularly when surrounded by many of the negative aspects of the early experiences, provides no assurance that the proper information about sexuality is obtained. The reverse is true in many cases, so that the individual who ahs experienced pre-marital sex goes into the marriage with faulty, naïve or even negative beliefs about physical relationships between male and female.
Marriage and family counselors are frequently able to remedy the sexual difficulties in an unsatisfactory marriage. Sometimes simply understanding some basic knowledge is helpful.
• Males and females reach their peak of sexual desire at different ages. For the average male this takes place in the late teens, but for females, the period of highest sexual interest is usually in the mid to late 30s. This divergence in sexual interest or libido can be a problem and should be taken into account in the sexual relationship.
• The frequency of sexual contact between man and wife varies greatly, and depends upon factors such as age of the partners, physical condition of each and lifestyle. Usually sexual contact is less frequent as middle age approaches. However, for a couple in good health, with a good relationship and mutual interest, the frequency of sexual relationships may decline gradually over the years. In other cases, the sexual relationship may drop off rapidly in the 30s and 40s, especially if one or both partners have been led to believe that this “should” occur.
• Sexual problems occur a great deal of the time because of an underlying problem in the marriage. Feelings of resentment, anger, feelings of being desired only as a sex object with little or no attention being given at other times, and extramarital affairs are but a few of the underlying problems that may account for sexual problems in a marriage.
• Physical pain experienced by the female during sexual intercourse and impotence in the male can have several causes and a physician should be consulted about these problems.
Sexual compatibility and enjoyment are certainly not the only ingredients of a good marriage, but if absent the marriage can certainly be perceived as lacking by the marriage partners.
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