Teaching Children to Delay Gratification

Delaying gratification is often difficult, especially for children. Instant reward is often more appealing by there are situations where many individuals find the wait worthwhile.

For instance:

• Tell children to wait until after supper to eat a cookie so they won’t spoil their appetite.

• Drive an older car to save for a down payment on a new home.

• Stay in school and earn a professional degree in order to earn higher income and have greater job security.

• Remain chaste until you marry.

These examples of delayed gratification may take time to understand, but parents can start early in children’s lives to teach them the self-discipline that will sustain the in mature decision making processes.

Many individuals never learn to delay gratification. They never saw it practiced by their parents, their peers or through the media. Instead, they witnessed constant scenarios of “if it feels good, do it.” Thus, they develop the attitude that waiting to satisfy any desire was not a virtue.

Daily activities with children offer opportunities to teach them the gratification of achieving long-term goals.

While visiting with a young child, we watched a squirrel burying pecans. We talked about the reward of finding the treasure on a cold winter day. I thought then of many nursery fables, rhymes, and real life experiences that can further illustrate this.

Here are some suggestions for anyone wishing to learn to delay gratification.

• The more time that must pass before receiving the final reward, the greater the chance that the ultimate goal will be forgotten. For instance, driving an older car to save for a down payment on a new home may lose its appeal if the amount to be saved will take so long that the car breaks down or wears out. Praise, encouragement, recognition of partial accomplishments of long-term goals, all serve to motivate continuance of effort.

• Frequently reviewing the desired result often helps overcome the temptation to give up or quit. People wanting to lose weight may carry a picture of a thinner person in their mind, their purse or wallet. Each time they are tempted to deviated from their diet they can look at it as a reminder of their goal.

• Learn to view the process that occurs while striving for a long-term goal as gratifying in itself. A parent can teach a child to enjoy learning for the sake of learning. Or simply help the child experience that learning something new is fun and stimulating. This can make children want to be life-long learners and stay in school. A parent can also help children learn to apply learning to real life situations. This makes them see the value of education. Striving for improved health often required avoiding high-fat foods, snacks, and other tempting pitfalls. Becoming involved in the whole process of health promotion, including diet, exercise, emotional wellness, often helps overcoming the pitfalls and thus stay focused on the desired and result.

There are other interesting and useful suggestions in learning to delay gratification that I will discuss in future columns.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright © 1992