Many readers have written and asked me to discuss problem marriages, and more specifically, the issue of marital infidelity. Many complex reasons may be present for the evolution of marital infidelity and I cannot cover the topic in depth, but I will attempt to provide an overview and include some helpful thoughts.
• Marital infidelity often develops from a lack of closeness and intimacy between individuals. Intimacy here means more than just physical because closeness and psychological intimacy are significant elements in a healthy marriage. Ideally, both husband and wife let each other know on a frequent basis how they are feeling about each other, what they are giving and what they are receiving in the relationship. Developing problems, such as having one's feelings overlooked, being taken for granted, or being treated in a demeaning or derogatory manner need to be discussed, then adjustments made. Differences in sexual needs and potential problems in child rearing philosophies should be dealt with early on so that they will not build and fester. When communication wanes, the offended party may become vulnerable to an understanding friend often of the opposite sex, who provides the warmth and understanding needed. Then the situation can quickly change to psychological and physical intimacy.
• Lack of commitment to marriage vows endangers a relationship but can frequently be improved by discussion and understanding before the marriage takes place. Commitment in general may be more lacking in our society than has been found in previous generations. I have found that many individuals enter the marriage with a superficial understanding of what commitment means. Then as soon as problems emerge they quickly want to throw in the towel and even more quickly embrace rationalizations which allow them to dissolve the union. Commitment to building and maintaining a good marriage requires vigilant effort.
• When one or both partners fail to recognize the possibility exists of being attracted to more than one person during their lifetime, the marriage can take a different turn. Denying the reality of other attractions and not dealing with it in a healthy manner is a mistake. The key element in this potential problem is to recognize when these feelings first emerge and then to make certain that nothing of significance develops.
This can be especially important when men and women work together. To avoid the risk of developing strong feelings of attraction to a member of the opposite sex other than the marriage partner, one needs to avoid flirtations, innuendos and intimate discussions about personal issues not related to work.
• Another sound for alarm in a marriage is when both partners fail to recognize the need for variety and the avoidance of rutted routines as boredom, staleness, and oppressive predictability can develop in an un-tended marriage. Infusing life into the relationship on a regular basis by creative, unselfish activities can breathe new life into the relationship, making it exciting again and less prone to assault from outside sources.
• Last, but not least, positive self-regard and a healthy self-concept assist greatly in the promotion of a healthy happy marriage. Feeling good about one's self makes it much more possible to feel good about someone else.
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I’m an experienced Clinical Practitioner, Administrator, Professional Writer, and Lecturer.
