A Story On Dealing With Lack Of “Success"

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I have been a health care practitioner for many years and have found that over the years, I have often felt that I should be able to help all those whom I serve. This, of course, is impossible and has created stress for me many times.

I remember a piece that you wrote about how a colleague of yours had successfully dealt with this problem. Can you please give me this valuable information again?

-A reader in New York

Dear Reader:

I believe that this is the column to which you refer.

Early in my career, I met another psychologist who was in his 70s, had practiced for many years and displayed a passion for his work. We became friends and after knowing him for awhile, I asked him if he could tell me the secret of his continuing career satisfaction. He did so by telling me the following story.

My work as a psychologist is like a person who repairs clocks.

The first group of customers brings me clocks that are easily repaired. They are grateful and happy when I return their clocks. I share their joy.

The second group of customers brings me clocks that are on their last leg and I tell the returning customers to enjoy their clocks while they can because they probably won’t last too much longer. Their appreciation is tempered by my prognosis for their clocks.

The last group of customers brings me clocks that I cannot repair. The parts are simply worn out. Upon hearing this news, these customers are sometimes unhappy, perhaps angry, and often leave with no display of gratitude for my best effort. I tell this last group of customers that I am sorry that I cannot fix their clocks, and then I remind myself that I am not responsible for their clocks being broken in the first place.

A healthy perspective requires remembering that there are times when we can be very successful in our endeavors to assist others. At other times we can assist only partially, and finally there are times that we are unable to provide assistance. In this last instance, we need to remind ourselves that we may wish for a better outcome, but we need not feel guilty or incompetent as we are not responsible for creating these problems.

Creating unreasonable expectations for oneself can be a source of stress and lead to burnout.