Giving Your Marriage A Second Chance
In an all too familiar scenario, a man comes home from work one day and announces to his wife that he is moving out.
She feels bewildered and asks if he is leaving because of another woman. He denies this is the reason for his departure, but he later admits that he is “involved” with someone and wants time and space to sort out his feelings.
His wife pleads with him to stay at home and pursue marriage counseling with her, but he insists that he needs time to himself to think things over.
Totally stunned, she asks him to tell her his reasons for his shocking announcement.
He says that he has been unhappy for a long time, but has only recently decided that he needed to make a change.
Finally, he tells her that he feels as though he is living with a stranger who neither cares for him nor understands him.
This situation occurs in the lives of many couples and the roles can be reversed. Consider these suggestions for dealing with this crisis:
* Don’t panic. Staying calm reduces the likelihood of poorly thought-out decisions. Both partners should avoid making statements or accusations that may be regretted.
* Seek counseling even if only one party is willing to do so. This sometimes encourages the other marital partner to join in the counseling process. Even if this does not occur, professional help is needed. Friends and family can be supportive but a professional perspective is needed.
* Don’t jump to conclusions about what may be happening or what may have already transpired between your spouse and someone else.
* Although separation can certainly be traumatic, it may be necessary to take some of the immediate pressure off fragile relationships. Sometimes space and distance is needed temporarily.
* Psychological explanations, which need addressing, are often at the basis of marital disharmony. Examples are depression, stress, substance abuse or unresolved conflicts from the past.
* Understanding of each partner’s needs may lead to a renewed commitment to the marriage. Make each other the priority and search for shared interests and common ground.
The result can be the discovery that there are many areas of compatibility.
Couples who look for areas of strengths rather than weaknesses can usually find many good reasons to stay in a marriage
