Healthy Self-Esteem In Children

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

You once wrote a column on ways that parents can help build healthy self-esteem in their children. Please give your readers this valuable information again.

-A reader in New York

Dear Reader:

Let’s start by using the following definition. Self-esteem is the process of setting a value on yourself, appreciating your worth, knowing you are a valued person, having a sense of self-respect.

When parents help their children feel secure, significant and confident, they can work toward building their children’s self esteem.

Here are some more specific guidelines.

• Believe in yourself as a parent and adult. A parent who radiates inadequacy tends to perpetuate the cycle of low self-esteem.

• Provide unconditional love for your children. No doubts should be left in the children’s minds about the parents’ love for them.

• Communicate clearly with your children and be active listeners.

• Do not always provide solutions. Let children learn to problem solve and experience the feelings that accompany mistakes.

• Encourage and exhibit mutual respect to your children.

• Show your children that you believe in them. This can be done in subtle ways, such as affirming smiles, to more overt demonstrations of praise and positive reinforcement.

• Honestly accept your children’s limits and gifts. Remember that as a parent, your job is to help ensure that they become the most that they can be.

• Help your children find success that leads to their happiness. Assist them in finding things they can do well. Encourage them to become involved in these activities.

• Help strengthen your children in areas where special needs may exist. Tutors, counseling, special classes are examples of this kind of assistance.

Effective and healthy parenting takes a great deal of commitment, consistency and parental effort. The payoff can be observed not only in the children’s adult lives but also in the lives of their children.

As the old saying goes, “If you want to see what kind of a job you did as a parent, look at the lives of your grandchildren.”