Listening can save a relationship
An almost pat answer given for faulty relationships is lack of communication.
It happens when a couple seeks a divorce. Their lawyer cites the reason as lack of communication or, when an employee sends a notice of resignation. The reason give was poor communication from the supervisor.
An organization files a grievance. The arbitration committee finds a breakdown in communication between administration and the rank and file.
As we launch satellites in space, design and use new computers that communicate with each other and have instant access to news around the world, why can’t we find better and more satisfactory ways to communicate with one another?
Obviously, it’s the human element. Machines are impartial, but humans tend to let personalities, prejudices and small annoyances get in the way.
To achieve effective communication, both the sender and the receiver must understand the process for a message to be decoded with clarity and understanding.
Psychologists who specialize in human behavior say listening is the least developed of our comprehension skills.
People will do almost anything for each other except listen to each other. Almost everyone is eager to talk, almost everyone with a problem wants to get it off his chest.
Most of us talk at the rate of about 125 words per minute, but we think much faster than we talk. When we listen, we receive words very slowly, much more slowly then the brain is capable of performing. Thus we listen, but there are gaps while the brain is saying, hurry up, hurry up. Because the spoken word arrives slowly and we are thinking at high speed, we have a lapse in listener concentration. We literally have a time of mental dawdling.
Have you ever tried to explain something to another person only to have that person brush you off with an OK, I know what you mean? But you know he hasn’t heard a word you said?
We see then that listening slows us down. And that is one cause for distortion in communication. What are other causes of distortion in communication? There is the epithet often seen in posters which says:
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
How can people improve their communication?
You can listen attentively. You can train yourself to concentrate so you will absorb the message the sender is giving. Tell yourself not to jump ahead, to take in the words carefully.
You can make your message more clear if you are the sender of a message by avoiding trite expressions, slang, colloquial or dialectical words that will require a translation of meaning. Don’t include dull details. Be succinct. Include the necessary facts. Don’t’ assume the listener knows what you are thinking. Learn to think before you interrupt. Slow down your brain and try to decode the message instead of jumping ahead and giving the sender new information. Do ask questions for the sake of clarity.
