Living with, learning from teens
Living with teenagers in the house is a subject that frequently arises. I am asked for suggestions on how parents can keep their mental health intact while providing guidance to their children so they will be productive and happy adults.
Those of us who have raised teenagers know it can be frustrating and stressful, but we should keep in mind that these years also can be challenging and fruitful and provide happy memories.
Parents should remember that they are role models and their children will remember their actions and reactions when later dealing with their own children. Parents who successfully bridge this period will have a great deal of satisfaction knowing they did their best to help their children eventually leave the family nest.
As the parents of three children, two of whom are teenagers, my wife and I can attest to the massive amount of time that needs to be dedicated to rearing teenagers. We often feel our outside interests come far down on our list of priorities because of the amount of energy we spend trying to rear our children in a healthy fashion. Hobbies, personal interests and even professional commitments often seem to be swept aside attempting to meet our children’s needs.
We often resort to humor as we look back on the years when our car radios were set on easy listening, on public broadcasting stations or tuned to news channels. We now are trying to get accustomed to music stations preprogrammed to produce sounds that vibrate our Tin Lizzies right down to the tires. In fact, I am convinced the first thing that will wear out on our radios will be the volume control, as it seems to be a constant battle between kids’ wanting to turn it up louder and our desire to have the music at some level below the threshold of pain.
Another adjustment for my wife has been stiffly her attempts at creativity in the kitchen. Where she used to provide interesting and varied casserole dishes, she now realizes that teenager’s tastes seem to settle into a narrow spectrum of choices that rarely include vegetables, broiled foods or exotic seasoning. Pizza, spaghetti and hamburgers are always winners around our house, and the struggle to introduce variety seems hardly worth the effort.
Both of us reflect longingly on the days when we could expect to retire on a weekend night with the house locked up and all the lights out by 11 p.m. Now we often find ourselves searching for ways to stay awake until our children come in at midnight.
Yes, teenagers’ parents long for the days when the brook was young, when interests of the family as a whole were the predominant thoughts of all. We think of family outings, a trip or a gathering with grandparents and other relatives. Sometimes it was just enjoying a good homemade meal together, other times it was joking with each other, playing a game in front of the fireplace, rock-hunting on the cliff above the lake or stargazing on a summer night. Parents as well as children might wish those times would continue, but life moves on. And we have to cope and move with it.
Later I will discuss ways to make those changing years more manageable and to discuss a theory about bridging that time.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988
