Moving to a Nursing Home

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

My siblings and I have decided that the time has come to move my elderly and frail mother into a nursing home. She is living at home by herself and her doctor has said that she can no longer take care of herself. Her memory is failing badly, she has fallen and injured herself twice, and she is no longer capable of making many of the decisions necessary for independent living. She has said for years that she never wants to leave her home of 50 plus years and "wants to die at home." This move is probably going to be traumatic for both her and the rest of the family. Is there anything that you can suggest to help make this situation better?
K.B. from Ohio

Dear Reader:

You are dealing with a very complicated and emotional issue and column space doesn’t allow for a lengthy response. Moving to Long Term Care (LTC) can be difficult for everyone involved. I am assuming that you and your family have explored all options and alternatives for your mother.

It is important to acknowledge a parent’s feelings of loss and sadness at having to leave “home.” Some older adults react to moving to LTC with anger, anxiety, and depression. Freedom, autonomy and flexibility are often restricted when moving to LTC from home. This is a time when grieving for these losses are important not only for an aged parent, but also for family members. Take time to listen to your mothers words and give her the opportunity to share emotions and process feelings.

It is common for children of older parents to feel guilty about the decision to move a parent to long term care. Feelings of apprehension and guilt are often intensified during this transition. Talk through these your feelings with other family members and reassure your mother that none of the family is “abandoning” her.

Remember that the “tincture of time” is often one of the most helpful ingredients in making any big change successful. Your mother’s adjustment to LTC can be enhanced by her participation in activities at the facility, making new friends, creating a home like atmosphere in the room and learning the nursing home’s routine.

Both my personal and professional experience has taught me that while there is “no place like home” life changes and experiences sometimes necessitate new living environments which provide the proper kind of care and support.