Suggestions On Gifting Given Many Years Ago

Recently I was browsing through a book given to my wife by her grandmother entitled, “Decorum: A Treatise on Etiquette and Dress” written in 1882. During this holiday time, it is interesting to note the suggestions on gifting from 128 years ago.

Presents among friends

“Among friends, presents ought to be made of things of small value; or, if valuable, their worth should be derived from the style of the workmanship, or from some accidental circumstance, rather than from the inherent and solid richness.

Especially never offer to a lady a gift of great cost; it is in the highest degree indelicate, and looks as if you were desirous of placing her under an obligation to you, and of buying her good will.

The gifts made by ladies to gentlemen are of the most refined nature possible: They should be little articles not purchased, but deriving a priceless value as being the offspring of their gentle skill; a little picture from their pencil, or a trifle from their needle.”

Praising presents

“If you make a present, and it is praised by the receiver, you should not commence undervaluing it.

If one is offered to you, always accept it; and however small it may be, receive it with civil and expressed thanks, without any kind of affection.

Avoid all such deprecatory phrases, as “I fear I rob you,” etc.”

Making parade

“A present should be made with as little parade and ceremony as possible.
If it is a small matter - a gold pencil-case, a thimble to a lady - or an affair of that sort, it should not be offered formally, but in an indirect way -left in her basket, or slipped on to her finger - by means of a ribbon attached to it without a remark of any kind.”


Refusing a gift

“Never refuse a gift if offered in kindness unless the circumstances are such that you cannot with propriety or consistency receive it. Neither in receiving a present make such comments as ‘I am sure I ought not to take it,’ which seem to indicate that your friend cannot afford to make the gift.”


Value of presents

“In the eyes of persons of delicacy, presents are of no worth, except from the manner in which they are bestowed; strive then to gain them this value.”

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider these suggestions on decorum in today’s world.