Teaching Your Child Integrity

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

Hap, please repeat the column on teaching integrity that you wrote in my newspaper years ago.

— A Reader in Illinois

Dear Reader:

The opportunity for the child to apologize, admit his mistake and feel remorse was lost when his mother said to him “You will do no such thing as apologize. Most of the kids in your class cheat if they have a chance. You were just unlucky and got caught.”

A few days later, this same child bullied another child, and later, the principal called his father.

That evening, the father commented to his son, “I’m sure the kid deserved it. Don’t sweat it, your principal is stupid.”

Given this parental road map for making choices, it was not unexpected that this same child would break into a neighbor’s home several years later and steal valuable property.

This child’s parental guidance didn’t include teaching integrity. His ability to feel compassion, love and respect for others was absent, as was his self-esteem. Integrity is part of the constellation of features in mentally healthy people who respect themselves. They pursue high standards even when no one else is watching or seems to care.

Integrity is the high road though it is often difficult or unpopular. Doing the morally correct thing, even when you know the result may be less rewarding for you, is a good measure of integrity.

There is an old saying that goes something like this: “People who respect themselves are people of integrity, and only people with integrity can respect themselves.”

Self-esteem is the sibling of integrity. Going against and violating our moral code slowly chips away at our self-esteem and leaves us less and less able to make healthy choices.

When one’s integrity is defended, his self-esteem is enhanced so that exercising strong moral judgment builds healthy self-esteem.

Closely related to integrity is honor, another building block of strong character. Honor is demonstrated in many ways. Admitting mistakes rather than making excuses, practicing self-discipline instead of doing what comes easily or feels good, and being truthful rather than lying are characteristics of honor.

Remember, healthy parenting demonstrates the kinds of behaviors and values you want your children to learn.

Modeling virtues such as integrity, honesty, self-discipline and fairness with your child and others help accomplish this goal.

The next time you give your child your blueprint for dealing with life, think about the consequences. Poor self-esteem is hard to rebuild.