Widowhood

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I am in my 60’s and some of my friends are experiencing widowhood. As painful as it seems, I think that I could use some of your thoughts on dealing with this event if my husband should precede me in death.

-A reader in Vermont

Dear Reader:

Dealing with the loss of a spouse can be one of the most traumatic and stressful events in a person's life. Time will be one the main medicines to ease the pain of losing your mate. After the pain comes the healing. Death is a part of life and a strong spiritual base is often one of the most significant elements to assist the healing process.

Some widows have never taken the initiative for learning details like taking the car to the service department for mechanical repairs, keeping up with warranties on appliances and knowing whom to call for home maintenance. Start becoming aware of these needs and solutions now.

Learn all you can about business affairs of your estate. Keep a file in which to place essential documents such as insurance policies, your will, power of attorney, and your living will.

Think about a plan on how you would like to spend your time if your spouse dies first. Will you want or need to work outside the home? If not, you might offer service to hospitals, schools, churches and community outreach programs. Learn something new. What about a hobby, or book club? A pet can be a wonderful companion. Don’t expect or rely on your children to pave the way for your widowhood status. Most children will be supportive, but they will be proud of you if you allow them to lead their own lives while you begin to reconstruct yours.

Establish friendships that will sustain you. Although no words can take away the pain, it is nice to have someone to share time and information with. Additionally, professionals such as members of the clergy, the family doctor, or in some cases, mental health counselors, can be of assistance if needed.

Grief and loss support groups can be extremely helpful. Having the opportunity to process and share feelings with others experiencing similar difficulties of loss can be of great assistance in the healing process.

Time and interacting with people who care can help healing and allow the survivor to adjust successfully to the future.