Heirlooms
Dear Dr. Le Crone:
My mother is in her 80’s and I am one of five grown children. She and my father had many happy years together before he died several years ago and we children have very fond memories of our family growing up together. Although mother’s will spells out who receives her property, we need some suggestions on how to avoid the squabbling that can occur when emotion and sentiment begin to mix with division of an estate.
A reader in Georgia
Dear Reader:
Some families have an attorney help them decide which child gets which assets. Professionals in this area can be helpful. Additionally, here are some other suggestions.
A special bequests list can also be compiled and distributed to all of your mother’s children prior to her death. All items of significance should be listed and sent to each family member. If more than one person asks for the same item, the matter should be negotiated until settled. Avoid assumptions about who will receive what in dividing her estate. Unresolved sibling rivalries can emerge during this time making the division of your mother’s things prior to her death vital. The list should be incorporated into the will, and the items can then become a matter of record. If things are spelled out misunderstandings are less likely to develop.
Another idea is for your mother, if she is willing and able, to begin a book of memories in which she writes stories about possessions she loves, how she came by them, how she has used them, and what she hopes will be done with these items in the future. On this last issue, her hopes for the future should be made explicit in her will in order to avoid problems in the future. She can number the items in her memory book to correspond to the items listed in her will. This information will enable her executor to place cherished heirlooms with the proper child.
Distribution of possessions is often an important part of the process of bereavement, and it needs to be done with dignity and harmony. A well constructed will can alleviate friction between siblings and keep good family memories intact.
