Loss of Driving

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

My father has developed a number of medical problems including visual impairment and was recently told by his family doctor that he is no longer able to drive safely. He is stunned, angry, depressed, and in denial at this time. One of my sisters told him to “quit whining and get a life” which has made things worse. Please help.

Daughter in Florida

Dear Daughter:

The loss of driving privileges is often seen as a major loss of freedom and independence for individuals who have been driving since there were teenagers. The depression, anger, and disbelief that you describe are symptoms of the grief and mourning that he is going through at this time. To try to deny him these emotions or refute the validity of his feelings is akin to telling a person who has suffered any significant loss that their feelings are not important and that they have no right to mourn the loss. Instead, encourage him to share his feelings and empathize with his loss. He probably knows the risks that driving with impaired vision entails, but he is having difficulty accepting this reality. He most likely believes that he can take care of himself quite well and resents the loss of control that has been imposed upon him at this time.

Here are some options but don't expect a lot of enthusiasm from him at this point.

Explore the possibility of other transportation in the area where he lives. Public transportation may be available to your father. A number of organizations provide transportation to senior citizens at little or no cost. Contact your local area agency on aging and your local churches.

Point out that the money he will save in not owning and maintaining an automobile, including insurance, can go a long way toward paying someone to chauffeur him. Taxis, children, grandchildren with a driver's license, friends, and neighbors may be pooled together into a network that makes transportation available to your father.

Don't overlook the possibility that moving to a living facility providing transportation for residents may be in his best interest either now or in the not too distant future. Many beautiful and affordable retirement and assisted living centers provide this service.

Remember that the loss of an automobile can be perceived as a major loss of freedom and independence. Don't trivialize this loss but instead provide support and suggestions for dealing with this change in order to minimize this trauma on your father’s life.