Our Marriage Needs Help

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

After eight years of marriage, my husband and I have reached the point that our marriage needs help. Although we love each other a lot, we argue over things including domestic responsibilities (who does what at home), money matters, and sex. Our arguments usually escalate into yelling matches that result in badly hurt feelings.

Often, we seem to be living from one crisis to another. Mortgage payments, car payments, credit card debt, and other expenses eat up our paychecks and cause tremendous financial stress.

We both often come home from work exhausted and the evening routine seems to leave little time for us to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

Because of fatigue, hurt feelings, and lack of time, intimacy between us is definitely at the bottom of the list of our priorities.

We will admit that we are both very stubborn and before getting married, we
were raised in environments where we were used to getting our own way. Also, we are both perfectionists which is harmful to our relationship.

We find ourselves drifting apart and wonder if you think marriage counseling would help? If so, what kind of preparation and expectations should we have before seeking help?

Dear Reader:

Your marriage and lifestyle will sound very familiar to many couples who read this column. As you have outlined above, there are many components to your problem. Having a marriage counselor help you try to sort out and look at each issue separately and objectively would seem to be a good place to start. Go into counseling with the realization that you both will need to make changes. Don’t expect a quick fix and be prepared to work hard with the marriage counselor.

Make your commitment to each other and keeping the family together the first priority. Know that with time, effort, and professional assistance there is a lot of hope for improving your situation. Find a counselor that you can both relate to and be prepared to look at issues such as lifestyle, parenting skills, and the priorities that you currently have. Sometimes it is helpful to each make a list of the problems in your marriage, and take these list’s into the first counseling session.

You have a marriage that needs help so find a counselor and get started on working to improve your marital relationship.