Premarital counseling can reveal issues
The first sign of difficulty came about two weeks after the young couple returned from their honeymoon and moved into their first habitat, a cute little apartment with the emphasis on little.
It was a Saturday afternoon and neighbors from a nearby apartment dropped by to say hello and welcome the newlyweds into the community. The young husband invited the visitors in to a small living room much to the horror of his new bride because of the clutter which consisted of dirty clothes, empty cans, pizza rinds and other assorted debris that belonged primarily to him.
After the visitors left the couple had their first serious discussion about their living conditions and he expressed shock and irritation that his new wife was proposing changes in a living environment which seemed totally fine to him.
The husband came from a family of three children and his mother always “picked up” after the whole family. She, unlike her messy husband, was reared in an environment where neatness was at a premium – anything left out might get thrown out. Her mother taught her to hang up her clothes at the end of the day, pick up empty glasses or cups and put in the dishwasher and hang up her bath towels after they were used.
Newlyweds must inevitably make adjustments to each others habits, lifestyle and priorities. Often, a young couple has spent most of their prenuptial conversations talking about much more exciting and less mundane things than neatness, budgets, automobile maintenance and who is going to carry out the garbage.
Premarital counseling can accomplish many things including:
Division of labor in the newlywed’s daily life – who cooks, does the dishes, washes and dries the clothes, mows the grass, etc?
Financial issues – who pays the bills, buys the groceries, balances the checkbook, etc.?
Spiritual issues – where is the couple going to worship?
Sexual issues – discussion of a delicate subject which can include being aware of differences in sexual appetites, etc.?
Counseling can also help the couple view issues such as need for control, need power and control, acquiring how to disagree without being disagreeable, how holidays will be spent with families of origin, etc.
Instruments such as the Myers Briggs Type Indicator can point out similarities and differences in the way the potential newlyweds view the world and make decisions about their perceptions.
Minister’s, priest’s, and rabbi’s frequently offer premarital counseling as do certain mental health professionals and other counselors.
